DNF Shame is a Choice

(This is a re-post because I spent a lot of time at Massanutten 100 thinking about it)

Runners typically give two reasons they DNF’d a race - they followed the wrong training plan or they didn't follow their plan good enough.

Either way, they blame themselves - they should have known better or done better.

It creates a lot of shame.

So they try not to think about the race and what went wrong, and move on to something else as fast as possible.

But the shame’s still there. And every time the race comes up in conversation, it pops up on social media, or someone asks how it was, that feeling washes back over them.

Shame seems like it happens naturally after a DNF…but it’s a choice.

And that’s important because how you feel drives what you do next.

Imagine standing at the next starting line feeling ashamed you DNF’d your last race and needing to prove yourself to the world. You’d go out too fast, push too hard too soon, and resist throttling back when your body signaled it needed a break.

But you control the way you feel about a DNF, because you get to choose the way you think about it.

And you have far better options than blame and shame.

Disappointment may not seem like a good first choice but it’s a step up. It comes from accepting that, “The race didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to.”

Optimism is another possibility. “I got some miles in and know more and have one more race’s worth of experience than I did before I started. That will serve me well.”

Curiosity is my favorite. “What worked in my training that I didn’t notice, and what didn’t work about it, and why?”

Accepting the DNF so you face the next race with a clean slate. Seeing ways the DNF is actually a perfect setup for your next race. Mining all the details for everything you can change to grow into a smarter, better ultrarunner.

Those are much stronger ways to move on from a DNF.

You think shaming and beating up on yourself will take care of it and keep it from happening again.

But there are so many better choices.

So why choose shame and blame?

What if you didn’t chose it?

What if you chose disappointment, optimism, curiosity…even love?

Trust me. I quit the shame and blame game a long time ago. I chose all four - disappointment, optimism, curiosity and love - after my DNF at Burning River 100 this year.

The next time you have a bad training run or race, try choosing something other than shame.

And the time after that and the one after that until eventually, shaming yourself just doesn't occur to you.

That’ll do way more to improve your training and the way you run the next race than getting stuck in a pointless shame spiral.

And if you want help breaking out of the pointless shame spirals, let me know and I’ll set up a free consult call to talk details.

‘Cause you’ve got big races to run.