Three Ways to Stop Comparing

One of my clients was bemoaning the hours she’d wasted that week comparing herself to other runners.

She ended up feeling crappy about her ability, training, and chances at her big race. Everything.

She knew better and still did it.

“Why??” she asked.

Because it’s a built-in survival feature of the human brain. If the tribe over there is hunting better, you’re going to start using arrowheads on your spears like they do.

So it’s natural, but it becomes a modern problem when you allow yourself to indulge in it…when you waste hours doing it and end up feeling worse about yourself.

Comparing with intent like that is an unconscious way to avoid the uncomfortable work of believing in yourself and going out in the world to put that belief to the test.

It’s a double-whammy to your motivation. You procrastinate AND end up discouraged, thinking, “Why bother?”

But you can kick comparison and get that mind space back.

Here’s how I do it. I look at three ways to try answering, “Better at what?”

First, we’re not running the same race. 

The woman that just passed me has a different strategy (or none at all), different training, different job, different relationships, a different age, different things in her life competing for priority, different ultra experience level, different life experiences…

We’re each coming into the race with a million different factors.

There’s no way I can compare my race equally against hers.

Second, we’re not playing the same game.

Even if we’re running the same race, the other woman may be aiming for a fast finish time and won’t race again for months, where I’m running to see if I can finish this race and a harder one next weekend.

Her game is finish time. Mine is a back-to-back challenge.

There are so many more. Another runner might want to finish her first race after injury, cross the line with a friend, see the scenery, finish her first 100, run in memory of a deceased family member, celebrate a birthday…

Every game has a different way to win, so there’s no comparing them.

And third, we may be playing a different long game.

The goal when I started studying mindset over a decade ago, was to figure out how to run ultras forever.

I loved it and wanted it to be sustainable over my life.

Not many other runners have a view longer than the immediate race. Rarely longer than this calendar year or the next, although I’d like that to change.

The point is that the race I’m running isn’t just a race. It’s part of the larger whole of the running career and life I’m creating for my satisfaction.

Different race, different game, and different long game.

There’s no valid way to compare yourself to another runner and decide they’re better than you. 

There’s no “better” - just different.  

If you see this but still find yourself indulging in comparison and want to stop, email me and let’s talk.

I’ve helped many clients with it and it’s not only possible to let go of indulging in compare and despair…it’s one way to find joy in running again.