Other People’s Opinions

You share your exciting, audacious race goal with someone, expecting them to be excited too, and hear this:

“You won’t do it.”

“You’ll never make it.”

“You’re not ready for that.”

“That’s too hard for you.”

“You’re not training enough.”

“You’re training all wrong - you should be doing this instead.”

People say things that sting.

They leave you feeling hurt, frustrated and angry. 

You complain to other people about what they said, ruminate about how wrong they are and at the same time, start to question yourself.

All of which feels worse and doesn’t benefit you in any way. It doesn’t move you one step closer to finishing your A race.

It just consumes a lot of time and attention you could be putting toward that A race.

On top of that, you know this stuff shouldn’t bother you but it does, so you feel ashamed about that too.

So what to do?

Here are five different strategies to try when faced with this kind of comment.

First, remember these are opinions, not facts.

Enough training for me might not be enough to you. 

People are free to have their opinion, even share it, but them saying it doesn’t make it true.

Second, get curious.

Ask them “why?” 

And really listen. 

What’s their reason? Where’s the comment coming from? 

It might not be what you expect.

It’s usually more about the person saying it than it is about you.

For example, when your sister says you can’t do it, she may be talking about herself not going for her own dreams and subconsciously may not want you to so that she can feel better about herself.

Compassion for her feels a lot better than anger.

Third, you might disagree with what they’re saying but before you shut it out, are there any nuggets of value in it? 

No matter what prompted the comment or how angry you feel, there might be something valuable you wouldn’t hear any other way.

For example, when someone says you’re training all wrong, why? What do they think you should be doing instead and why?

Considering their opinion doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. You’re just trying their opinion on like a shirt you might want to buy. 

And when you’re done considering, there’s the added value of having checked your direction - deciding whether you want to change something or stick with your current choices.

Fourth, let them have their opinion…without trying to change it.

There will be a fair percent of the 7.8 billion people in this world that won’t believe in you or your plans.

You can spend your time trying to change that or spend it up-leveling your own opinion about your ability to finish the race. 

Which do you think matters more?

Fifth, if you want an all-purpose response, agree with them.

Yes…agree.

Extra points for doing it with and smile and some humor.

It can be as simple as an honest, “You might be right.” Because they might be.

Or, “It’s definitely challenging!” Because it is and that’s why we do it.

Or more specific like, “I might not make it…but I’m going for it anyway.” Which is true.

There you go - five options.

Try one or a combination to get past what other people say and on to something more useful to your goals. 

What to learn the skills to not allow this stuff bother you?

Let’s talk. 

Ignoring and pretending you’re ok with it only works for so long. You can do better.