“I Felt Bad For Him”

Imagine yourself at night in your first 100-mile race, standing in the 63-mile aid station.

You’ve dropped off your favorite pacer and your crew has helped you eat, drink, and fill your bottles.

You’re ready to head out on the next section and the clock is ticking. 

Except you don’t want to use the next pacer you planned to use. Your gut is screaming, “It’s a bad idea!” 

It won’t go well! 

Don’t do it!

You could take one of your crew who volunteered earlier instead. He’s dressed for it and could be ready in a minute.

They’re both standing there, waiting for you to say something.

What are you going to do?

What you want more than anything is to have a great race and finish. 

You dreamed against all reason this was possible, dared to enter, drove hours back and forth to train on trails in all kinds of weather for months.

You did it all when it wasn’t convenient, you weren’t feeling great, and you missed other plans.

You’ve overcome so many obstacles to get to this point and you’re having an amazing race so far.

Taking him as a pacer goes against all of it.

You know for sure you don’t want him to pace you..but not letting him pace you will hurt his feelings. 

You’re the reason he’s here. He gave up his weekend to pace you.

You feel bad for him…so you take him anyway. 

And end up hating every single step of that section.

He does exactly what you said not to and talks down to you. You’re furious but bite your tongue because you’re stuck with him.

Any idea how you’re doing on hydration, eating or pace is out the window because you’re so frustrated and angry you can’t focus. 

It throws you totally off the race of a lifetime and you end up timing out in frustration.

You knew this would happen. Why did you ignore your gut and push through anyway?

You did it because you were taught to.

As women, we’re socialized to believe it’s our responsibility to make other people happy.

If we don’t do something for someone, don’t do what someone else wants us to, or disappoint someone, it makes us a bad person and we feel guilt and shame.

We do things we don’t want to do because we’ve been taught it makes us a good person. 

We give up what we want for what other people want - or what we think they want - to avoid that guilt and shame.

And we do this even in big, badass races.

You were unknowingly doing what society taught you about being a good person, even though it cost you your dream race

Once you realize what’s going on when you’re standing there making your decision, you can intentionally choose how you make it.

To go for what you want with all your heart…instead of what society says is the right thing.

To let joy and self-respect drive your decision…instead of guilt and shame.

To be a happy person…instead of what society tells you is a ‘good’ person.

When you learn to make decisions on what matters to you instead of what you were taught about disappointing other people, you no longer spend your race trying to make others happy.

Or sacrifice your race and resent it forever after.

You remove a huge, hidden obstacle between you and the finish line.