How Ultras are Like Dating

It’s fall, which means a lot of us are poised to finally run our long-awaited “A” races.

As fear creeps in.

You don't want to get lost, struggle to stay awake at night, have your stomach revolt, encounter scary animals, fall and injure yourself, develop foot problems…

And the Big Kahuna - you don't want to DNF.

The non-ultrarunners in your life might not get that last one. A DNF is just a race result. Three impartial letters on a screen that can’t actually bite or harm anyone. What’s the big deal?

It’s worth taking a moment to let this sink in - they’re not wrong.

If they don’t see those three letters the same way, it can’t be the letters that bother you. 

It’s what those letters mean to you, personally - how they affect your self image, how you think others will judge you for them, and how you talk to yourself after earning them - that bothers you.

No wonder it feels like soooo much more than a finish is on the line in your upcoming race. So much is…and at the same time a million things can go wrong that you’re not in control of.

So of course you’re tempted to drop down from the 100 mile to the safer 100k or 50k.

And you haven’t trained enough - do you even belong at the starting line to begin with?

And no matter what, you’re definitely lowering your performance expectations.

But before you give any of that up, let’s put DNFs in a better perspective.

Let’s compare running ultras to another activity that invokes as many fears of failure - dating.

It’s a great comparison because you have big goals for both - finding your person and the wonderful relationship you deserve, and finishing an impossible-looking race.

In both cases, so much is on the line…at the same time there’s so much unknown and so many ways it can all go wrong. Why risk it?

But in both cases, the path to inevitable success is in doing more of them. More dates, and more races.

The more you do, the more you learn…and the better your odds.

You don’t quit after one date - or race - that doesn’t go the way you want it to.

A “bad” one doesn’t mean anything about your worthiness as a person. It was just one experience among the many you’re willing to do on your way to the one you want.

Sure, they can both be uncomfortable but the more you do them, the more confident you get at them.

And most important, you only fail if you let fear talk you into not trying.

Think about that last point. What if you go on three dates, decide it’s not not working and quit…but the fifth date would have been Mr. Right?

It’s the same with ultras. What if you DNF two 100s, decide you’re not cut out for it and quit…but the third one would have been a finish?

The next date - and race - could be the one you’re looking for. It’s possible, but you won’t know if you give up.

So, whether you’re dating, running ultras, or dating while running ultras (another blog post entirely), don’t give up.

The temptation to quit will be greatest right before you’re about to succeed.

Give yourself the chance.

If race fears like these are coming up before your big race, don’t give up - I can help.

Email me to schedule a free consult call with me to define your unique solution. 

You can turn your race from fear to finish.